


Two Idiots, Half a Braincell

by etymology_of_etymology



Series: Hug the Cook [4]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Blood and Injury, Explicit Language, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Time Skip, cursing, pre-Water 7, seriously they curse a lot after chapter one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:25:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23200114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etymology_of_etymology/pseuds/etymology_of_etymology
Summary: Sanji and Zoro are separated from the crew and have to work together to make it back to the Going Merry in one piece.
Relationships: Monkey D. Luffy & Mugiwara Kaizoku | Strawhat Pirates, Roronoa Zoro & Vinsmoke Sanji
Series: Hug the Cook [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1665061
Kudos: 49





	1. Cannons Instead of Coffee

It was early in the morning and Sanji was just finishing up the day's food prep when he first heard the ruckus. At first, he thought that it must have been the storm that had been raging for days, but then something hit the side of the Merry and Sanji was knocked off his feet.

"Shit! Fuck!" He landed on the floor with a thud.

"Oi! Shit Cook, what's going on?" There was Zoro, for all his pretenses, the bastard was actually a pretty light sleeper when it counted. He had appeared from the storage room, hands on his swords. Because of the storm the men of the crew had been using the storage entrance that connected to the women's room in order to reach the common area. Of course, this morning Sanji had left the men's room using the ladder under the mast. He didn't want to wake up Nami and Robin before the the sun had even risen (or face the fury of a sleep-deprived navigator). 

"Hell if I know, shit-for-brains!" Sanji pushed himself off the floor and made his way to a porthole. He could hear the rest of the crew filing in from behind Zoro. It was way too early for all this shitty noise. Outside, the sea way just as stormy as it had been last time he had checked, but is that...shit.

"What is it, Sanji? Is it a Sea King? An army of crabmen who've come to eat our livers?" asked Usopp, appearing beside him to also look out the window. "Ahhh, it's the Navy!" Great, if Usopp got worked up then Chopper would get worked up. Sure enough the two dunderheads had started running in circles and screaming.

"Alright! I'm going to kick their asses!" 

"No, you idiot," yelled Nami, as she punched the back of Luffy's head.

"But, Nami," Luffy started to say, while rubbing his head.

"Navigator-san is right, Captain-san. If we try to fight the Navy in these conditions we are most likely to die," said Robin. At that Usopp and Chopper started freaking out even more.

"Nami-san," said Sanji, "what should we do?"

"Well, I know what know what I'm going to do." Zoro had a hand on the door.

"Wait a minute, Marimo." Sanji grabbed the idiot's arm. "Weren't you listening to Nami-san and Robin-chan?" 

"Sure I was, but if we do nothing their ship is going to overtake us and we'll all be dead anyway." Zoro tried to wrench his arm from Sanji's hold. Sanji pulled back. Zoro pushed on Sanji's face and Sanji tried to wrap his leg around Zoro and force him to the floor. If this bastard went out alone there was no way he wouldn't get lost on the way back.

"Zoro. Sanji." Luffy's voice gained the attention of the whole room. It was always like this when he used _that_ tone of voice. Usopp and Chopper stopped panicking; Sanji and Zoro stopped struggling against each other. Their captain sat on the floor with his hat lowered over his face. "Meet us on the next island."

"Aye, Captain," said Zoro as he and Sanji untangled themselves.

The two of them made their way onto the deck where the Marine ship loomed over the tiny vessel.

"Try to keep up, Shit Cook."

"Try not to get lost, Marimo."


	2. Struggle in the Storm

With the storm and the darkness of early morning it was hard to see the large marine ship closing in on them. To Zoro it nearly looked like the shadow of a huge sea monster come to devour them. Luffy was trusting them; the Strawhats would not be swallowed today.

From the larger ship, dark shapes appeared and swung on ropes to the Merry. From his side Sanji ran forward to meet them and he followed closely behind him. They slashed and kicked their way through the first throng of marines and headed to the ropes they had used. 

The two young men scaled up the side of the cruiser, one hand over the other on the drenched ropes. Why weren't the marines at the top cutting the ropes to force the two back to the Merry? Something wasn't right with the men on this ship.

Sanji vaulted over the rail and onto the deck. "Marimo, the ropes!" he shouted before dashing off into the crowd.

"I know, Curlbrows!" Zoro hauled himself up and turned to slash through the ropes they had just climbed. If they could just keep the marines off the Merry for long enough Nami should be able to pull some trick to outpace the larger vessel.

The ropes split easily under his blades, but marines came at him from every other side. Eventually, he was forced to face the marines that were hindering him. Crossing his swords, Zoro parried and broke their formation. Blood from his swords flicked off his blades and mixed with the rain.

The ship suddenly swung to the side away from the Merry. "Stop him! He's in the bridge!" The was a crash, the sound of shattering glass, and Sanji tumbled through a window where the bridge of the ship must be. He was holding something large and round under his arm.

It was the steering wheel.

Zoro laughed out loud. The marines' faces were hilarious.

He was making his way towards Sanji when he felt a pain in his back, then his front.

"Zoro!"

Huh.

Weird, Sanji rarely calls him by his name and even when he does it's usually to annoy him.

He looked down. There was a knife sticking out of his gut. Well that explained it. 

There were arms pushing him down. He tried to struggle against them, but the knife moved as he did so. Someone was holding the knife so it wouldn't slip slip out as they struggled. Before he knew it Zoro was forced to the rain covered deck.

"Pirate! Surrender unless you want your friend here sliced open!"

"Fuck off, shitheads!" There was the sound of a person getting their teeth kicked in. Zoro wondered if the marines had a good dental plan; if they kept on ticking off guys like Sanji they must.

The knife twisted inside of him and he couldn't stop the shout of pain that escaped him.

"I mean it, pirate!"

Zoro managed to lift his head to see his crew mate. Sanji stood tensely; surrounded by marines, his wet hair was plastered to his face, and he was looking directly back at Zoro. "You bastards," he said, but he put his arms up in surrender.

"Fucking idiot," Zoro gasped out. "Don't you fuckin-"

"Don't call me an idiot, you idiot!" Two marines grabbed Sanji's raised arms and forced him down on the deck before cuffing his hands behind him.

"Yeah, well you-" One of the marines yanked the knife out of his back. A warm liquid spread over the front and back of his shirt, contrasting with the freezing downpour that had already soaked him through.

"Fucking bastards! Shitheads! You ass-" That's all Zoro managed to hear before he lost consciousness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has advice on how to write high action/fight scenes I would be happy to hear it.


End file.
